Today, I sent off an envelope filled with documents I hope will lead to an extension of my visa. If the request is denied, my time in Ireland could come to an end in less than six months. The envelope was filled with copies of passport pages, very kind letters from pastors and friends, and a letter written by me detailing why I should be allowed to remain here for another year.

The last piece of documentation to be finished, that letter, was among the most difficult things I’ve written. How do I convince a government official who lives on the other side of the country that my life here is important and worth continuing?

Even though it was only a little over one page, I put off the writing for weeks. I tried to write it a number of times before this past weekend, but it just never happened, and I couldn’t figure out why I was struggling so much with it. It wasn’t until I knew the last of the other documents was coming that I forced myself to sit down and write.

As I tried to figure out why I was having such difficulty, I realized it was an issue of control. As long as I still had a letter to write, I had the illusion of having a tiny bit of control over the situation, there was something I could do about it. Once the documents were finished, any feeling of control I had been gone. I have done my best, and the results are out of my hands.

The truth is I never really had any control anyway. I might have had a task to do, but my words on a piece of paper will not keep me in Ireland. The letter others have written on my behalf are filled with kind words about the contribution I make to this community I get to call home, but they will not be what allows me to stay. The person who reads my documents in Dublin seems to hold the power over my future in Ireland, but even he or she is not the final word.

God has called me here. He has made a way so far, and He can open doors that no one can close. He can also close doors no one can open. He is in control, and I’m glad my future rests in His hands alone. Whatever the outcome of the paperwork I sent off today, He is trustworthy; I can live surrendered to Him and not try to grasp for a measure of control which was only ever an illusion anyway.

Yes, we have decisions to make, and it is vital we do our part. This isn’t a fatalistic message that whatever will be, will be. That is rubbish in my opinion. However, when we have done our part, it’s time to let go and leave it with the one who cares far more about what concerns us than we realize most of the time.

What are you holding onto today? Is there something in your life you are trying desperately to control in some way? If so, allow me to suggest there is great freedom in letting go, and resting in His faithful, capable hands.