As I sit here trying to write a post for this week, I have no idea what words will fill this page. I’ve thought of a number of topics I could write about, but none seem to go anywhere… at least not anywhere I’d want to drag you as you walk this journey with me. Perhaps one day it’ll be time to write a post about things not to say to your friend who is hurting, or pondering what to do with hopes that refuse to die no matter how hard you try to kill them, or even what to do when it seems God lied. (To clarify, I know He doesn’t and didn’t. I would never say He did. I said sometimes it may seem that way.) Maybe one day those topics will grace a blog post, but to quote Aragorn from the Return of the King, “…it is not this day!”
So, now that we’ve covered what won’t be found here, I’m no closer to knowing what will follow. Perhaps there is too much in my mind to narrow it down to one topic I can safely share with the world. Maybe the writing that needs to happen tonight should stay between me and the One who can sort and carry everything going on in the deep places of my heart and mind. I am grateful God is big enough to handle questions and emotions that are too big for me, and I’m thankful He prizes honesty so highly.
When I begin to doubt whether I should be open with Him – as if I could hide anything from Him anyway – I am always comforted by thinking of King David. Despite all of his mistakes, He was considered a man after God’s heart; I can’t help but think part of the reason is that He was so open with God. We can’t have a true relationship with someone if we aren’t willing to be honest with them, and David had that open friendship with God.
The other thing I love about David is his tendency to end his laments with praise. There are times I feel I can relate to his words in Psalm 13: 1-2, 5-6:
1 How much longer will you forget me, Lord? Forever? How much longer will you hide yourself from me? 2 How long must I endure trouble? How long will sorrow fill my heart day and night?… 5 I rely on your constant love; I will be glad, because you will rescue me. 6 I will sing to you, O Lord, because you have been good to me.
Life may not be comfortable right now, but God is good. I know he has not forgotten me, and He never will. Maybe you feel forgotten or sorrowful yourself. If you do, I get it and so does He. Tell Him about it; scream and cry if you need to. He’s big enough to handle everything inside us, and as we cultivate true openness with Him, we can have growing confidence as we say with David, “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:13-14)
